After Life
by par-ic
Summary: Warrick's thoughts are interrupted.


After Life

It had been a rough couple of…well I'm not sure what time sequencing works in a situation like this. It felt like years, though. Years since I'd seen her; my family; my son. I could watch, but it only made me miss them more. In order to keep my mind off things I try and do what my friends have taught me over the decade I've worked with them. When you're feeling like you screwed up, and that everything was your fault, think off all the ways it wasn't. When you become disgusted with yourself to the point you feel the need to vomit, grin. When you miss everyone so badly you're forced to cry yourself to sleep at night, remember all the great times you've had with them.

That last one didn't work so well with Eli. In the short ten months he was alive--even less if you count the time I actually spent with him--it was hard to remember things. Whenever he crossed my mind, I'd try my best to think of what could have been great times with my son. His first steps, words. His first girlfriend, even the time he leaves for college.

If one thing being a CSI has taught me, it was to hold on to what I have, because nothing stays the same for very long. Too bad I hadn't learned that sooner. I know I started slipping towards the end. Taking pills, drinking, that stripper…Gedda. It's hard to believe I let one man get in the way of my entire future. Come to think of it, looking back on things, I wasn't exactly surprised that the Under Sheriff was in on it. Another thing the job taught me: Nothing is surprising when it comes to what a human being is capable of.

The sound of soft crying sprung me from my thoughts. I looked up, only to see a slumped over figure sitting at the floor of the entrance. At first I did nothing. This kind of thing happened occasionally. A member of my former team would sit at the portal, if only for a moment, never looking up, before they disappeared again. Back into the world of the living. A near death experience. Then the figure looked up, my heart jumped into my throat and stayed there.

A flawless, pale, blue-eyed face stared back at me; her strawberry blond hair framed her cheeks. I stood up from my seat on the bench slowly, afraid it would all disappear if I looked away. I hoped it would, but I couldn't tare my eyes away. I walked over to her, watching as her eyes filled with tears which she tried desperately to blink away. I reached my hand out as I came closer, a silent offering of help. She pulled her hand away from her torso and grasped mine firmly, pulling herself up on shaky legs.

"Warrick," she said softly, full of emotion. I didn't bother to answer her. Instead I pulled her closer to me, enveloping her in an embrace. She pulled away, her tears threatening to spill over any second.

"H-how…where…why am I here? What's going on?" she asked me. I had no idea how to answer her. Not with out hurting her.

"Catherine," I began, my voice a bit raspy from lack of use, "there's no easy way to tell you this…"

"That man, from the casino…he pulled the trigger didn't he?" she cut me off, desperation clear in her voice. "I'm dead, aren't I?"

All I could do was nod. Coward.

I saw the first tear fall down her cheek, and before either of us knew it, the stream became endless, sobs shaking her body. I lead her to the bench, where I pulled her to me, her face buried into my chest and her arms locked around me in a vice grip. Tears filled my eyes as well, but I held them in, doing my best to be there for her.

"Catherine?" I asked gently as she sobs softened. She looked up at me, her eyes red and puffy. I had no clue how to make her feel better, and it was paining me to see her this way.

"Why me? Why now?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

"I asked my self the same questions when I got here," I replied. Catherine's eyes grew wide once her mind started to think logically.

"Lindsey! Oh God…Lindsey. My poor baby. No! No, there's no way this is happening." She was on the verge of hysterics again. I rubbed her arm soothingly and spoke in a calm voice.

"I'm afraid it is happening. Don't worry, Lindsey is going to be fine, you taught her how. You did an amazing job with her, Cath, but there's nothing you can do now."

I set off another round of tears, and again I held her close. I could only imagine what she was going through. Sure, I had a son of my own, but Catherine had gone to hell and back raising Lindsey, through situations no mother or daughter should ever have to go through.

"Rick?" Catherine ask and she looked up. "How will I know if she's okay?"

"There's one way. But trust me, it will only make things harder on you," I tried reasoning with her. I hadn't forgotten about her stubbornness, and neither had she.

Her eyes hardened slightly, "I can handle it."

"Okay." I agreed, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. We both stood up, and I led her away from the entrance and the bench. Towards a door which gave way to a room with a large window. I'd been here many times before; it's one couch, positioned directly in front of the window, familiar to me.

"This," I explained as we walked to the window, my arm still over her shoulder and hers around my waist, "will let you see Linds, or anyone else you want. You'll be able to see everything she does, but you can't interact."

I heard her sniff back a few extra tears before I added, "I can promise you right now, Cath. This is going to hurt you more than never seeing her."

As soon as we got to the window, I made a move to leave, pulling my arm from her shoulder. Her grip on my waist tightened.

"Don't leave me," she begged. I placed my arm back over her shoulder.

Instantly a view of Lindsey's school was visible, the seventeen year old standing on it's deserted grounds in front of a very uncomfortable looking, emotionally-drained, Nick Stokes. My heart ached at the sight of my best friend and favorite niece, knowing I was only torturing myself, and allowing Catherine's torture. I could hear Catherine's tears start up again as we watched Nick explain to Lindsey just why her mother wasn't picking her up.

Lindsey collapsed to the ground, screaming 'No!' over and over, while Nick bent down in front of her, his own tears spilling over.

We watched as Nick drove Lindsey to the lab. Inside the break room, Greg, Sara, and Grissom sat in silence, as well as two new people I didn't recognize. Grissom's tears fell slowly, while Greg's ran quickly down his young face. The two unknown people looked upset, but neither had any tears. Sara wouldn't look up from the ground, Grissom's arm around her. Lindsey asked what happened, but no one had the guts to answer her. Eventually Nick explained it to the teen. By the time he was done, my own vision was clouded, and I had tightened my grip on Catherine. We stepped backwards, sitting on the small couch.

"They really love you," I told her. Her shaking body slowed until she was completely still.

"I didn't realize…I-I took them all for granted," she said, her voice shaky.

"No, they know how much you love them. Trust me, they know."

"They were like this when you…" she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. "We all were. Nobody ate for days, we all worked non-stop. Grissom left. Everything seemed to be falling apart. We love you, Warrick."

"I love you too, Catherine," I blurted out. I closed my eyes, waiting for some sort of reaction. I opened them again to find Catherine with a sad smile on her face.

"I've been beating myself up about not telling you before everything happened," she said in a quiet, vulnerable voice.

I pulled her close again, and we stayed that way for a while, watching as Lindsey slowly coped with her mother's death. A few days flew by in the window, but I still wasn't able to judge the time lapse in our new world. Lindsey was getting stronger every day; eventually she went back to school. Lilly watched over her like a hawk, making sure she ate every day and wasn't doing anything harmful to herself.

Soon we watched as the team went on. Sara and Grissom had gone back to their lives outside of Las Vegas. Nick couldn't take it, and eventually left the Crime Lab, going back to Texas to be with his family. That left Greg, managing the nightshift. Something I'd never imagined. A whole new group of CSIs were now under his wing, including the two I'd come to know and Ray and Riley, as well as Wendy and Hodges.

I could tell that Catherine was fighting a war within herself. Whether or not to keep watching, or walk away. I couldn't tell which was winning.

"Can we go?" she asked me, her inner strength had returned.

"Of course," I answered her. We stood up, and I grasped her hand as we walked out of the door.

Fin

7.31.09

2:47 A.M.


End file.
